Dreaming Things Already Seen

My back lay heavy against the unseen ground,
cooled by evening grass
Arms tightened secure behind my head,
I stared at the sky
A great mystery played out in the air
Thousands of miles high the stars performed tricks
“Impossible” I said to myself,
The voice of reason interrupting my dream
For the arrangement was this:
There were four small clusters,
Each with an outer ring spinning inside an inner
They lulled like sparkling gyroscopes with hundreds of golden eyes
Mystifying, how they blinked on and off
A giant wheel was suspended between these fantastic formations
Larger than anything else hanging in inky space
As it turned on its side, so did the moon, caught inside the churning wheel’s ruts
All of this continued slowly,
Orbits circling orbits and stars blinking,
Winking at the earth below

And this is the dream I had on Friday night. I thought nothing of it except, "What a peaceful dream" until I mentioned it to my mom.
"I dreamed about wheels last night" is what was said and she responded,
"Were they way in the middle of the air?"
Of course, she was referring to the old song "Ezekiel Saw the Wheel":

Ezekiel saw the wheel, way in the middle of the air
the big wheel ran by faith, and the little wheel ran by the grace of God
wheel in a wheel
way in the middle of the air

Anyway, the whole thing is really weird when you read from the actual scripture.
Ezekiel 1: 16-18
16 This was the appearance and structure of the wheels: They sparkled like chrysolite, and all four looked alike. Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel. 17 As they moved, they would go in any one of the four directions the creatures faced; the wheels did not turn about as the creatures went. 18 Their rims were high and awesome, and all four rims were full of eyes all around.

What is the significance of any of this?
No clue.
Just interesting.

If you read this

Now understand He makes no mistakes
and all appointments are His
that's why I don't blame you
and I stick by what I did

You always looked so tall to me
so high on a pedestal
But God, it all came tumbling down
along with your awful rules

You want to talk about inclusion
and the way things ought to be
I listened for far too long
but you never listened to me

Can't you tell I have so much to say,
so much that I can show?
Not all of it is sorted out
but if it was, you'd never know!

Go ahead and criticize the world
with all the people in it
It's Ok to slander them
You'll repent it in a minute

Don't continue to conform
to the world in the name of Truth
I'm sorry that I spent so long
swallowing arguments gone moot

Possibilities

Choices overwhelm me today. Sometimes I feel trapped by freedom.

When I was little I used to ask "what ifs" all the time.

They were fun then, but somewhere along the way "what ifs" drew nearer to the surface of reality. That, I suppose, is when they melt into the realm of possibility.
To entertain some of these thoughts is to play with fire.
Temptation lends itself to possibility
after possibility
after possibility...most of which, by the Spirit of God, can be resisted.
But what if the line between temptation and righteousness is blurred?
A great haze surrounds me and it's most uncomfortable.
Peace and clarity come from Him, so I'm praying.
God, if He will, can blow away the smoke and leave me in open air.
Draw the line for me.
Bend down and write in the sand, things that you need to show me.
I don't understand.

"I am invisible to Ryan!"

"Well nobody obviously cares about me!"

Hahahaha. Please, everyone watch "Life of Ryan" on Mtv.

His little brother makes the entire show worth 30 minutes of your life.

When faced with the prospect of riding a roller coaster he says,

"I am just going to face my fear and do it."

3 seconds later...

"Well, actually I think I'm just not gonna do it."

Anyway, just watch the show.

Nacho?

Today I drove with one eye closed. Try it. It will mess up your depth perception like crazy.

Saturday night I participated in some leisurely activities which kept me out til around 10:45 pm. Crabtree family+Andrew+Wii x coffee with vanilla caramel brownie creamer+Flight of the Concords= (Vast entertainment, caffeine rush.slight aggravation of carpal tunnel during Wii ski ball)
Oh, and nachos were involved too, not to be confused with Jacob who actually is Nacho.

When I arrived home, relaxed and full of the wealth of fellowship, I found it very hard to go inside my house. You see, upon crawling out of my car I felt the tingle of cool air rush forward. It refreshed me to pieces. When that first fall air comes sailing in, breathing it is like hooking up to an oxygen bar, sending the highest sense of awakening to the top of your head, and rendering the inhale process much more enjoyable than the exhale. So I sat on the driveway.
Too many times we speak of the stars without really considering their mystic quality. Sitting silently wrapped in night, I gazed upward and allowed myself to be overwhelmed by the cosmos. He knows how many there are? Jeez.
The Gwinnett County Fair whirred on about a mile from where I sat, the motion of the coasters loud, but calming. Calming in the same way that a loud ceiling fan can lull me to sleep.
There's not too much of a point to that story, but it was significant. I remember it better than any other part of the weekend.

Finding a Place

I've created a blog that is not married to myspace.
My somewhat bipolar thought processes drove me to delete my myspace without salvaging any writing. My heart was sore for a good week after that.
But everyone must move forward. Even I. So here's a new beginning, my new place.

Before I run too quickly away from the fields of old, however, I will stop, turn around, gather some old thoughts, and plant them afresh in this garden.

Driving slowly, a stick swirled in mud
Movement so slight that only leaves outside shudder
Other cars speed by
Traffic lights change
Someone unseen takes the wheel, turning it slightly
Pulling my little red wagon forward
They’re using my hands
Any wonderment subsides in all unimportance
Disillusionment in an oscillating world bores
Tiring my eyes too soon
Even the eyes of my love are bright and harmful
Besides, I do not love “my love”
Habits render unnecessary phenomena in the heart
“Love, leave me,” I want to say, “You have no soul.”
…just a well of knowledge
Sidetracked, Back on the road, (as if I ever wandered)
Pedestrians stare curiously as they walk, muted
What are they looking at?
Parking, now, and unsettled
It’s safe inside.
Perhaps I won’t get out
They’re laughing, because to them it is odd
Using a wagon to arrive here
Listen, though! I’ve proudly constructed this!
Perfectly, right, right, righteous in self deception.
Look at it, passersby!
Weeks passed and my validation is this:
I’m still in a little red wagon!
None changed, all stays the same. Everything is vanity.


you take so many pictures
to paint gloss across your smile
it seems you're just so special
so come and sit a while
tell me all the things you know
since you're wise beyond your years
teach me how to overcome
my pain
my thoughts, my fears
epitomize compassion and humility
let me know the secrets
of giving selfishly
freedom has become you
but you were already aware
spin in circles, jump with gladness
for your audiences' stare
I'm ecstatic that we had this chat
now I can clearly see
that you and your photographs
don't do much for me




Now I will resume my walk towards greener, and maybe less polluted, pastures.